So it's Halloween. I dyed my goatee black, went out wearing an eye patch, and told everybody I was my own evil twin. I also called in sick to work today, which wasn't entirely a lie since I really was sick... of not seeing Bruce Campbell movies on the big screen! Well, I'm happy to say that my sickness has now been cured, for the time being if nothing else. Have I mentioned that I love living in New York City? Cuz I do.

As part of Bruce's national tour with his latest (and some may say greatest once they've seen it) film, he's plopped down in the big apple for not one, not two, but THREE nights of live Q&A to debut My Name Is Bruce. I refused to miss the first showing this morning, to which the girl in the Freddy Krueger sweater at the Sunshine Theater suggested I come back later tonight when The Chin himself would be there. I told her that I wouldn't be coming back tonight, because I already had reserved tickets for a Saturday night showing, but that this was a time when I would have to slit my own Achilles Tendons if I didn't see the FIRST showing of a movie. And you know the best part? I had the ENTIRE theater all to myself. I was the only one in all of New York willing to shun their personal and social obligations so I could see this movie as soon as possible. I kicked off my sneakers, spread out my arms, draped my legs over the seat in front of me, made no attempts to hide the passing of various bodily gasses, and settled in for a movie I'd been gay for since I first laid eyes on the trailer last year. I was in anti-socialite heaven my droogies. I just wish I'd had a halfway decent handi-cam with me at the time...

Gold Lick, Oregon is a very small but very history heavy town of less than 350 residents. Sprouting up during the big 1800s gold rush period, the mining town was home to a whole lot of Chinese immigrants who came to the Great Satan to strike it big digging potholes into those gold paved streets everyone likes to refer to. Cave-ins were a common danger of the game back in those days (but still not as life threatening as delving into today's stock market) and 100 of these Chinese workers died in such a collapse, leading to the mine's abandonment and the area around it being turned into a memorial cemetery. As added protection to the innocent souls lost in the incident, the mine was sealed with a mystical medallion by the lost Chinamen's surviving relatives that put it under the protection of Guan-Di (no, not Gandhi), a Chinese spirit of protection, the patron saint of bean curd (?!), and a God of War... though that last part only seems to be brought up by the frightened yokels, making Guan out to be Gold Lick's version of Saddam Hussein's imaginary “WMDs”. He's also got a surprisingly catchy little theme song sung by the town's mayor and sheriff, the latter of which makes Barney Fife look like one of the "C.S.I." cast in comparison. Don't be surprised if hours afterwards you catch yourself singing "Guan you, Guan me, Guan-Di"...

As is the case with any movie where there's curses and such, Guan-Di's sleep is disturbed by horny teens. Looking to impress some Hot Topic employees by taking them to make out amidst a yard of unmarked wooden graves for dead foreigners, a pair of New Found Glory rejects naturally bite off more than they can chew. And trust me guys, most girls don't like it you try to bite or chew the red snapper... When Jeff removes the medallion from its resting place, his friends are the ones who get the old Shanghai Surprise, culminating in their bodies being broken, dismembered, and beheaded while Jeff drives off in pants wetting terror. Meanwhile, bad movie icon Bruce Campbell's own life is taking a few laps around the porcelain bowl. He's currently shooting Cave Aliens 2, a movie so low on budget that it makes a Sci-Fi Original look like Michael Bay's next platinum covered loaf of colon bread. His drunken, cheating, whining antics have driven his wife Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss!) to become his ex-wife Cheryl. His agent Mills (Ted Raimi in one of three different roles) is earning his 10% about as well as welfare recipients “earn” their monthly payout. Things ain't going too well for Bruce, whose dog won't even pay any attention to him without a bowl full of scotch... which The Chin keeps in abundance around his broken down little trailer home. Such is the life of a man who suffers for his art... an art that doesn't pay too well, but can snag you the occasional cameo in a Spider-Man movie or three.

Being one of the world's most mentally unhealthy Bruce Campbell addicts, Jeff convinces the people of Gold Lick that the only person who can send Guan-Di back to the land of chicken lo mein and lead-based paint is the star of Assault On Dome 4. As such, Jeff hunts the hero down and brings him to Crapburg to show the forces of darkness his best “Groovy” face. Bruce thinks this is all some elaborate birthday gift from his agent ala The Man Who Knew Too Little and abuses the “actors'” hospitality until his big face down with General Tso, including a “love-hate” romance with Jeff's single mother Kelly. You can figure out for yourself what happens when Mr. C finally realizes exactly what he's gotten himself into. Will he survive the nightmare long enough to make more Cave Alien sequels? Will Bruce be able to continue telling legions of unwashed fans at conventions that there will NEVER be an Evil Dead 4?! Come on, he's the hero! He wouldn't let himself die in a movie he himself directed... right?

My Name Is Bruce is an interesting beast. If not for the titular hero, there'd be little worth watching to differentiate it from any other “lip service to genre fans” flick. Actually, I can't say that for sure because a number of lines probably would've still been laugh worthy coming from someone else thanks to comic book writer Mark Verheiden. If you don't recognize the name then I don't think even Mark would blame you. He created the four color characters behind The Mask and Timecop, and as much as I feel like a tool for saying it, I liked The Mask. TV fans take note though, because Mark's also scribed a few episodes of both “Smallville” and the new “Battlestar Galactica”. The man has a talent for infinitely quotable one-liners too, a lot of which you'll be hearing once My Name Is Bruce buries itself into the medium and starts laying eggs. I'd hazard a guess that Verheiden's also a fan of Bruce Campbell's prior workload too, considering the frequent references and punchlines that revolve around the man's resume. But, I have a fluctuating temperament when it comes to that kind of “tongue violently stabbed straight through the cheek” humor, so though I got a few laughs off some of 'em (including a scene between Bruce and Jeff about a chainsaw), other times I was just praying to Osiris that he'd get bored with trying to make us think about the other movies before I started to lose interest and want to start watching the other movies instead.

Speaking of references, two things that did plaster a wry grin across mine lips were the music composed by Joseph LoDuca that more than little winks at Danny Elfman's Army of Darkness score, and the inclusion of at least one person from each of the Evil Dead movies in cameos, namely the previously mentioned Ellen Sandweiss (who still looks pretty bone-tastic I gotta say) as Cheryl, Ted Raimi taking on three short-but-essential roles of his own, and Dan Hicks (Evil Dead II) & Tim Quill (Army of Darkness) as a pair of Gold Lick townies who are fans of their respective characters from both movies. Corny? Yes, but by the seventeen eyes of Gnocci, Duke of the 3rd sub-level of purgatory ( the “processed lunch meat and ill-fitting under garments” level), it's corn that I don't mind seeing in my stool the next day... Uhm, speaking of corny, Guan-Di's really not the dynamic nemesis that a guy like Bruce Campbell deserves, even though he does have a pretty catchy theme song. The Top Ramen World Champion is actually kinda bland, but as the patron saint of bean curd I guess that would make sense, especially since Campbell is the sun around which this universe centralizes and it's just not possible to outshine the friggin' sun. The movie's minimal CGI effects do work when it comes to effectively warping the creep's face and eyes to both give him a little boom in his boomstick (thought I was gonna say dynamite, didn't you?) while somewhat distracting away from the hard truth that he's just a Shemp in a stiff mask... uhm, Guan-Di, not Bruce Campbell. More importantly, the computers keep their dirty hard drives to themselves in regards to the bloodshed! Yes, the gore is kept wet, utilizing good old fashioned fake blood instead of digitized red stuff so that should bring a few smiles to my fellow purists out there. I repeat, this is a movie not just made for bad movie fans, but by bad movies fans.

The only time I was questioning whether or not it was worth my $12 to see the flick were the first 10 minutes or so of non-Bruce time. It reminded me of the Poochy episode of “The Simpsons” when Homer suggests to a group of cartoon writers that Itchy & Scratchy should spend time wondering where Poochy is whenever the “1/3 Fonzarelli” character isn't on screen. Fortunately, my cries of “Where's Bruce?!” were few and far between, because once the guy gets on screen, he hunkers in like a family of gypsies and refuses to leave. But that's a good thing! The best way to describe his “character” is not unlike Ash at his wackiest and most arrogant in Army of Darkness, only he's a washed up actor instead of a supermarket worker-deadite slayer, and he's older, crankier, incredibly drunk at times, and about 23% more cowardly. This of course to set up the big “Bruce pulls a Lambert” final reel that everyone can see coming over the horizon like a fleet of Nazi war zeppelins. It doesn't have to be revolutionary though, because the movie is written to it's strength: BRUCE CAMPBELL! Besides, he plays himself in the movie, he directs it, and his name's in the friggin' title! The whole thing revolves around him.

If you're a big Bruce fan, there's no reason not to like this movie. He seems relaxed here, like he's cutting loose and just having fun with the whole thing. The man's delivery style is this charismatically charged, concentrated form of intentional ham acting wrapped in a Hawaiian shirt that's all his own. My friends will all tell you tales of my legendary love of ham. Speaking of which, John Murtz, if you're reading this, sorry again about your fingers amigo... If you're not a Bruce fan, well, I have no idea if you'll like it or not cuz this really is a flick for the geeks amongst us. Give it a shot though, because it very well could make you a convert, he is that good... plus any money that anyone donates to the cause brings the rest of us that closer to another shot at seeing him on a big screen again that isn't full of plasma and sitting in my uncle George's living room. I fit in the former category of Bruce enthusiasts myself, so I can't wait to see it again tomorrow! You can bet your last pair of clean socks that I'll be putting in my reserve for a copy on Amazon when it hits DVD come February too. Hooch for the pooch!