Okay, from the opening credits (or should I say kanji), it looks like Evil Cat is out of Korea, or possibly Hong Kong (Future Anubis: it's from Hong Kong). No recognizable names except for the possibility of director and co-producer Dennis Yu... who I'm more than likely just confusing with Donny Yen (Future Anubis: Dennis Yu is nobody special). Anyway, a guy working in a gravel pit uncovers some kind of electric force that kicks up one of those lightning storms Terminators make when they travel through time!... though if could just be some power line and he just blacked out a small town. Turns out what he hit was a big ancient stone lid (“childproofing” used to mean something in the old days), under which a crew of guys discover a seemingly bottomless well... and an explosion of blue energy that looks like something out of a “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” episode.

Turns out the exploding hole in the ground wasn't just some igniting gas main, but the cell for a demonic feline entity placed there 50 years earlier. Wacky as that sounds, this wasn't the first time this had happened, because that same demonic feline entity has been a menace for over 4 centuries now, resurrecting every 50 years to raise a shitstorm until it can be stopped by that generation's sorcerer head of the Cheung clan. For those of you trying to crunch the numbers at home, I'll save you an aneurysm: this latest escape by the beast would be its 9th and presumably final life. Now the current holder of the Cheung name, Master (yes, his name is Master), has to find the evil and destroy it before it makes the world its litter box! Be prepared: I may use a LOT of cat jokes throughout the length of this review depending on how much or how little the movie gives me to work with (Future Anubis: yeah, it gets pretty cheesy).

While Master's busy hitching a ride into the city (and helping Long, the giver of said ride, tie a cheap slut to a lamp post!?), Evil Cat is already hard at work slaughtering the night watch of an office building that just happens to be owned by Long's employer, Mr. Fan! When the cops and press arrive, it's believed that a big cat must be the cause of the carnage, but with no zoos suffering any escapes recently, no circuses in town at the moment, and Conan the Pimp-berian isn't around (long story...) intrepid reporter Siu Chuen thinks otherwise. Oh yeah, and Sui Chuen is Master's daughter... and Master has liver cancer... and she had him committed to a sanitarium because he's old and crazy... and some dorky police inspector who calls himself Handsome Wu and looks like he has extremely sweaty palms is in a one-way romance with Siu... and that's enough with the “who's who”. Long later finds out the hard way that Mr. Fan is now Mr. Cat-Fan-Du (or Cat-Man-Fan if you like) as Hello Kitty possesses him and gives him supernatural cat powers like fangs, claws, hyper agility, and... glowing red eyeball telekinesis... I remember when my last cat had a bout of that. He kept waking me in the middle of the night and throwing me across the room so I had to have him put to sleep. I still miss Sgt. Fuzzy on those cold winter nights... until I look at the stump where my right leg used to be... then not so much.

Master needs an apprentice to help him in defeating Hello Kitty, a role you can pretty much figure will now be filled courtesy of Long (Duck Dong?). The Batman and Robin (or rather the Quixote and Panza) of cat ghost fighting manage to EXPLODE Mr. Fan with a magic arrow in his office (over there possession by evil spirits is not a viable excuse for a sick day), but while they're busy afterwards explaining to the police what's going on, the feline phantasm seeks a new host. This time it picks out Fan's naughty nightgown decked secretary and sexes her up with its poltergeist pecker. Ah those Asians; if something isn't having sex with something else, then nothing makes sense. Back to Master and Long, they practice their slapstick act as Long trains to assist Master in the continuing battle against the hairballs of evil. Money is burned, liquids are consumed, swords are swung, hilarity ensues. Just when it looks like Long's ready to give up, Siu offers him $5000HK a month to stick with the training and basically keep her senile old father company. Long actually rejects the cash, but sticks with the training anyway. Besides, it doesn't hurt his chances with bedding Siu to spend every day around her too, does it? And if you're wondering, yes, she melts for him like lard on a skillet. Actually, I had a girlfriend I worked with and after spending all day every day around me things didn't quite work out. I still miss Karen on those cold winter nights... until I look at the stump where my left leg used to be... then not so much.

As for the devil kitty, it uses its new female form to play groupie skank to a pop singer named Victor, only to rip out his tongue and hunt him through a network of sewer pipes, eventually maiming him in such a way that it makes every cop in Hong Kong lose his dim-sum all over the crime scene. It's cool though, cuz they're doing the Technicolor yawns in a sewer so it's not like anybody's gotta clean it up. Funny that the cat would chase him through the sewers to begin with though, since I've always known cats to hate water... Eventually this all leads to the big showdown where Hello Kitty goes all Terminator on the local police station (that makes two such references for me tonight) before matching might with Master and apprentice. The shit hits the fan, everybody dies, and for the second day in a row I watch another fucking movie where they try to bait us with the possibility of a sequel. Sorry Evil Cat, I don't see you becoming the next Mr. Vampire... especially considering it's been 20 years now.

Ever seen a Hong Kong action-fantasy-horror flick where everybody knows at least one form of extensive hand-to-hand combat and there's a monster or monsters who can leap twenty feet through the air and ALSO knows a little something about the martial arts?... not to be confused with the marital arts, like listening to your partner, ignoring your own selfish needs in favor of helping keep your relationship sound, or learning how to give really good oral sex. Anyway, if you've seen one of the thousands of movies that fits the previous category, you've pretty much seen Evil Cat already. The whoop-ass-fu is well done when Pussy Galore gets to turning a building full of cops into her personal scratching post. The action as a whole is really well shot. The gore itself isn't rampant, but there's enough blood to keep your cravings for the red stuff in check, including a lovely pair of “punch through someone's torso” moments and a severed head hit to boot! Also, if you dig horribly butchered subtitle translations that you have to slow down the movie for just so you can read them before they disappear, you're in for a treat! But beyond those little bits of heaven, the rest of it's all been done before: aged master teaches bumbling-yet-skeptic sidekick the way to fight bad juju, the evil is stopped (more often than not with a fair amount of casualties for the white hats), wipe AWAY from the taint, flush, you're done. Big deal, it's an evil cat demon instead of hopping vampires or a deviant sorcerer. Meh. As such, despite being competently shot and choreographed, the generic factor (and lack of tasteful yet arousing nudity) makes Evil Cat just another face in the bad movie crowd. As such, I still can't quite figure out why the Hell I put it on my list... I did get a lot of screen shots out of it though! Oh well, cue my theme music Larry, this is where I make my exit. Rock and roll.